Yesterday was an interesting day…
As we move farther down this road, we’re both feeling a lot of anxiety. We vacillate between dreaming of the future, holding on to the past, and reimagining our present.
What if we replaced the living room carpet with wide plank wooden floors? What if we installed a fireplace in the living room nook that cries out for one? What if we added a cover on the back patio–would that shield us enough from the blazing hot summer sun that seeps into the house? What if we replaced the white kitchen appliances with stainless steel? What if we got that AP, and made frequent trips to Disneyland and the beach – like every 6 weeks? Would that work?
And should we move forward, what about that drive across the country, among the border patrol in Arizona, that long barren stretch across Texas, that up close look at the bayous, all on the way to reaching our destination of living the rest of our lives on the opposite coast? Watching The Bachelor in New Orleans this week, I did get excited about the possibilities, realizing we’ve become too stuck in our Western ways.
As I sip my morning coffee and head upstairs to my writing and music studio, I think about the biggest drawback to moving on. I don’t want to give up our own house. On that last whirlwind move from Vegas to Orlando to Oregon to California, I was not happy with our rental homes. I love owning our own home and each year I grow older, the more attached I’m becoming, not only to this house in particular, but to home ownership in general. I don’t want to rent anything.
I can’t imagine how it could be possible to go from owning one home to owning another without renting something in-between. I don’t want to pack and unpack twice. I don’t want to be a “tenant.” I don’t want to worry about living in something that isn’t ideal for our little family.
The next scheduled event is Thursday. That’s a long time to sit and wonder.